So here's my yesterday from my perspective:It's a pretty typical maternity leave day. I'm awakened by Isaiah's screeching wails around 4am, and in a half daze nurse him and kiss my hubby goodbye for the day. I'm still wiped out from the day before but if I don't take a shower now I may just spend the whole day funky. I'm also up early because I have to get my car into the shop which is a pretty typical grown-up task--one I did with ease just 6 weeks ago. But now, it is a military operation requiring logistical support, GPS Navigation, and Joint Chief's level planning. Turns out that keeping an infant alive when you have not outsourced anything (ie are breast feeding and have no nanny) is WORK to say the least. I'm about to be without wheels so I know I better take advantage of my ride home, so I convince my mom to go to the park so I can see daylight, work on these 10 # that have decided to make a home in my gut, and try to wear out my 6 year old so he doesn't drive me bonkers on account of his own cabin fever. We just went to the skate park yesterday ALL afternoon, but he is begging to go back there now, and I know there's no way I could convince my mom to go 15 more minutes out of the way so I have to tell him it's the local park or home. He does pretty good, but he is liberal with his complaints making me wonder if I am raising him to be grateful enough. Back home, I'm full of things to do, the house is a mess despite my constant cleaning of it, I'm trying to finish some estate planning for the kids, and figure out how I'm going to complete the tasks I have tomorrow if I am without wheels again. Avi's in a TV trance which I'm sure I'll regret later even though its a rare allowance on my part, and when lunchtime comes...more complaints. I resist the temptation to remind him about starving people in Africa and pan fry the ham instead of nuking it hoping he'll think it' s another kind of meat. I also took him out to the garden and we harvested more snow peas and salad. I stir fried the peas for him and went back to work. (My lunch was a Nutrisystem bar with spinach) I'm still periodocally quieting down the little guy, and Avi keeps asking me questions the second I answer a call. Between calls---nothing; on calls--pester. (realize my calls were coinciding with commercial breaks) But after the third time he asks me about water ice I have him look out the window. "Avi, what do you see in the driveway?" "Nothing, mom". "Right, remember where we took my car? So how am I supposed to get you water ice?". (He tells me we should walk there). Seriously? I'm dozing off but not before letting him open the jar of peanuts (I just hope he doesn't et the whole thing). After a few more loads of laundry and unload, reload of the dishwasher, it's time to start getting ready for the evening. The car is not ready for pick up and I'm not sure I could survive another day with my current food situation so I call in reinforcements for a grocery run. I whip up something for Avi's dinner (more complaints), and he goes into a legal negotiation about portion size (he never does this to his father). After the lunch debate I'm holding my ground here especially since he's chomped on peanuts and popcorn all afternoon. When my mom arrives, so does my hubby's anniversary gift resulting in a 30minute distraction, but I convince mom to stay with the kids while I go to the store (in part to relieve my own cabin fever). I return feeling much better, and see Avi enjoying a round of Sorry sliders and Isaiah sleeping peacefully. Akil's on home call so if I'm lucky he will actually see his home (past three nights he's gotten in 10pm or later). I remember the Lakers are on tonight so I start getting Avi pumped. Akil does come home and I managed to get the house looking clean just in time for him to see his present and get filled in on all the things that require his input. It's been almost a week of sleepy hubby so I'm a bit back logged on conversation, but he's a champ about it and it's really nice to be talking with him alone, un-distracted even if it is about home stuff until----. I hear the whimpers of my oldest son. At first, I thought he fell, but when I ask him what's wrong he wails, "I just feel like you forgot all about me!!! You left me here all alone!". I tell him that's why we made him a baby brother, but he says "He's asleep!". I tell him Kobe's with him, but he says, "They're losing!"
Okay. I keep my composure, but I just can't figure out how I can be home almost 2 months with this kid every day and stuck ALL day with him today, and the 10 minutes I'm out of view with him on his own, all of a sudden I'm abandoning him?!? Now before I share how this relates to Fathers and my choice to be a working mom (if that's not already obvious), let me share Avi's perspective of the same day.
Here's yesterday from Avi's perspective: So, it's game 7 of the NBA finals. The series is tied, and I'm is rooting for my favorite superstar Kobe Bryant (who my mom says is STILL not better than MJ) to bring another trophy home. Should have been a great day, but I woke up at the butt crack of dawn so my mom could drop her car off to get fixed which means I'm stuck in the house all day with her and my cute baby brother who she never lets me kiss especially now because I have a small spot of ringworm on my cheek. At least we're going to the park so I'll be able to skateboard. I want to go to Washington Lake Park because they have cool ramps and stuff but my mom has us going to the busted park up the street which is not as fun. We get there and there are no kids and after about 1 lap I'm hot and thirsty. All she has for me is some diet tea that I have to share. What kind of mom is this? I'm bored. I go to the playground but all she wants to do is walk around pushing my brother, she's not even playing with me!
It's hot so I think it's a great day for water ice but she says I have to eat breakfast first.
When we get home my Nana leaves me and mom gets on her computer. At least I can watch Johnny Test and Chowder while she's not paying attention. It seems like the whole day goes by and I keep asking her about that water ice but she doesn't respond. Keeps telling me to hold on because she's on the phone or shhh because she's focusing on something else. It's lunch time and she has the nerve to offer me ham for the second day in a row! I'll eat it today, but this is crazy! At dinner time she offers me lasagna and broccoli but I don't want it. I'm kinda full from eating peanuts while she was napping, plus I wanted to go out for dinner. She insists I eat the whole thing even though I think I should just split it in two. But she bribes me with cookies if I finish so I go ahead and eat it. Thank God my Nana comes back over, but they get busy putting up some picture for Daddy. Mom leaves but not before banning me from tv. Now I have to play a board game. At least Nana plays with me. But she leaves too soon, and mom looks busy ordering me around to help her clean up. At least the game is starting. but the Lakers are losing and I feel sad. My dad comes home but before I know it they're in their room with the door closed. I haven't seen him in 3 days even though my mom says he has been home. What are they doing? My brother's asleep, my team is losing and my parents are totally ignoring me...Time to tell her how I really feel...
The moral of the story: Friends, if you just fell in love this window into my world may horrify you. But if you've popped out or raised a few kids you probably know exactly what I'm talking about. And I even cut out half of the other small frustrations of the day! So you can be a work outside the home mom and your days involve getting up, surviving the logistics of getting kid(s) to alternative child care (ie outsourcing), spending the next 8 hours doing meaningful activities that make the world a better place in some way (ie a decent job), and returning to the challenge of efficient 'catch up' parenting and homemaking. Or you could spend all day at home messing up and cleaning the same spaces, with a kid or two on extended long play mode when it comes to needs, restoring your sanity with playdates and mommy getaways, and engage in a life of meaningful volunteer community service . Take your pick of practice, but any way you do it, we all know that parenting is a thankless life choice but so many of us continue to do it for some reason. Personally, I don't think play dates or mommy clubs could save me from myself if being a full time homemaker was my daily life experience (I have dedicated a portion of my prayer time to stay at home moms, in addition to single moms, and grandmom's whose kids keep having kids). But God, in his infinite wisdom, set things up just right for me and has given me 2 sons to raise into Fathers. I thank God for vacations, day spas, and sleeping children. Because when all my boys were asleep I walked around and watched them dream. I reminded myself that Avi was simply becoming a man and he was in fact living in his own world. I imagined the day that he would bring home a girl that despite all I had swore in the past, at least once I would claim was not good enough for him. That day he no longer whines outside my bedroom door asking for a hug--when I have to text him to give me a call or bribe him with something bigger than a cookie to come by for dinner. I imagined further to the days that Isaiah would be calling me asking why HIS baby is so fussy and keeps him up all night (and I'll smile and tell him "It's not your wife's milk--that's just his temperment baby)
I thought forward to those days, and I realized that God made me a working mom for a reason. Because he knew me well enough; knowing both the limits of my frustration AND the depths of my love. And as long as the world continues to need strong men and strong fathers, I'll be glad to bear it sons. My ultimate thanks is for God, my first father, the strong father that He placed in my life as my earthly example of His love, and the strong (totally smokin' hot, tender, and wise) one He placed by my side to help me raise his sons.
Happy Father's Day to all, from one very grateful mom of future fathers.
